Despicable You
by timetraveler03
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy is a a slightly overweight, unattractive otaku. And then, all of a sudden, he's traveling back in time with Rose Weasley, his most annoying, loud, and troublesome nightmare? Time Travel One-Shot feat. our favorite Next Gen couple!


I know I should have posted stuff for my other story (long ago…), but I've been busy with real life and I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with it. I have a destination but the way of getting there is a little muddled. I'll try to get something up tonight, though. Sorry to anyone who is reading that; I'm sure its not many but I did say I would update weekly and… yeah… oops! Anyway, this is just something I did for fun! Probably horrible, but I wasn't really paying attention when I wrote it… JKR's Harry Potter isn't mine!

Word of the day: Tsundere

* * *

Captain Roku and his sizzling squadron of sexy girls with bikini bodies had just arrived at the cliff's edge.

"Oh Captain! Whatever shall we do?!" cried Momoka, her eyes shining with fear… and with admiration for the captain. She was so MOEEEEE!

The captain grabbed the huge crimson sword on his back. "Awaken, my fiery blade! Help us to defeat the evil villain, Tromedlov (A/N: Voldemort backwards)! Vanquish all foes and satisfy your thirst for blood!" he shouted into the wind, his cloak swirling behind him.

"Stand back, Momoka, Honoka, Sakura, Mami, Tsubaki, Mei! I will defeat this evil lord!" Roku lifted his blade, which had erupted into bright flames, and yelled, "SACRED DEMON'S HOLY BLACK FINISHING STRIKE OF LIGHT!"

"Scorpius?" a hand flew in front of his face. Scorpius Malfoy bolted upright and almost dropped his manga. He saw who it was and re-adjusted his glasses huffily.

"What are you doing?" he said accusingly, pushing up his glasses with one finger.

"Hm. Interesting," Rose Weasley skimmed through the pages, letting them flip by her finger as she quickly absorbed the graphics.

"Thats mine!" Scorpius reached for it, embarrassed. Everybody avoided him enough as it was; now, thanks to Rose-bloody-Weasley, they would think he was a pervert!

"I have to say, _Taichou Roku the Warrior of the Crimson Flame_ is kind of a long title. I didn't know you read this kind of stuff, Malfoy," she stopped perusing the pages and handed the small book into his outstretched hand as he gaped at her.

"_Taichou Roku?! _Man, I love that thing!" said a shrimpy gryffindor first-year from the corner. Scorpius wanted to die.

"You can't just come here and take my stuff!" he protested, awkwardly breaking the lull in conversation. He hastily stuffed the book in his bag and then violently shoved his glasses back up his nose; the stupid things were always slipping down.

"Well, if your done here, can you leave?" he demanded snootily. He had no time for the whims of the other idiots he was surrounded by at school, especially not Rose-bloody-Weasley, who was an annoying blabbermouth who somehow had tons of friends (Its not like she was pretty or anything; she had ginger hair that was always falling out of her pony tail sloppily and was slim, but had no curves. Its not like she was super smart; she was a hufflepuff who got average grades. She wasn't particularly athletic either; she wasn't on her house quidditch team and hated exercising. Her patronus was a pig, for goodness' sake! Why did he even know so much about her? Its not like he paid any attention to her! Anyway…) Captain Roku was waiting for him!

"Actually, I found something I thought you would like," Rose smiled at him, her somehow freckle-free face free of guile or treachery. Her eyes suddenly seemed like they were sparkling. Scorpius quickly punched himself in the face. Rose jumped back, alarmed.

"Uh.. carry on," he stuttered, coolly as ever (note irony).

"I… found this book!" she said excitedly (and loudly). "It says it takes you through time to two different places of relevance in just two hours!" She brandished a shiny, brand-new looking textbook with the stamp 'RESTRICTED' on its spine.

"What the bloody hell, Weasley! You idiot! That book… you're not supposed to go there!"

"The restricted section?! Why?! I—", Scorpius clamped a pudgy hand over her mouth to shut her up, but then immediately felt embarrassed. He withdrew it quickly, feeling a bit self-conscious. He was quite chubby; already a 6th year yet he still had not lost any baby fat. He also never exercised; what was the point? Nobody to impress, nobody to do it with…

"Weasley!" he whispered fiercely. "You can't blab that you went there so loudly! Do you even have brain cells?"

She shrugged. "Just give me your hand for a second."

"What?" She grabbed his hand tightly and then waved her wand over the book.

"Tiempo Reverso… *mumble mumble*… avada… *mumble*… kedavra… *mumble mumble*… fried chicken… *mumble mumble*… back to the future 2!" she chanted.

"YOU ARE UTTERLY BARMY! WHAT THE BLOODY F—" exclaimed Scorpius, but he couldn't wrench his hand away… and all of a sudden he felt himself jerk violently, as if apparating, and he lost consciousness.

* * *

"Malfoy!" something was waving in front of his face… the blurry picture began to un-fuzz and sharpen as he realized that the shape was a hand.

"WEASLEY!" He shrieked, grabbing the ground in search of his glasses. They were by the Black Lake and it was sunny with a chill.

"Here are your specs! Wow, I didn't know your eyes were so pretty!" Rose kneeled down and placed the glasses on his face. As his vision became clear, he became uncomfortably disconcerted by her proximity. He jerked backwards, flustered.

"My eyes aren't pretty; they're normal," he grunted, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. Stupid cheeks. Stupid blood.

Suddenly, he looked around and realized that they were not alone. Some kids had approached them and were now watching them like it was the first time the had ever seen an otaku and a clinically insane ginger.

There were five gryffindor kids, looking just barely younger than Scorpius and Rose, who had recently become 17.

Scorpius straightened his blue and bronze tie nervously. He felt like Kurokawa Seiji from one of his favorite anime, _Go! Time Mages Towards Destiny_. The people in front of him were waring old fashioned robes, rather than the khakis, oxford, and sweater of the current Hogwart's uniform. In addition, one of them looked strikingly similar. Had he seen him before?

Either way, Weasley's stupid book had actually worked and they were in the past. It made him feel nauseous; why did she mess up his peaceful life, again?! She had caused his involvement in the bombing of the Great Hall with WWW products and that had been bad enough, not to mention the time when she dragged him into the girls' bathroom to investigate a 'boggart' (which had turned into the evil Lord Tromedlov and rampaged around the corridor). She was too much trouble!

"What are you wearing… Who are you…?" asked a tall, pale, thin boy.

"This is my uniform! I'm Rose Weasley!" chirped Rose. Scorpius mentally facepalmed. Why was she so stupid?!

"Shhhh!" he hissed to her. She stared at him in an obvious manner, while mouthing, "WHAT?"

"Um… We are… faeries from Planet Sawako!" he bluffed. "Its a parallel universe to this one and we were just curious about—"

"No we're not?!" interjected Rose. Scorpius almost punched her. Could she not see what he was trying to do?!

"Wait, oops, sorry, he's right!" she supplied unhelpfully. The students looked unconvinced.

"Weasley?" asked the one girl, who had auburn hair and bright green eyes. "I'm Lily and I'm friends with Arthur Weasley. Are you related?"

"Well… yes. No. Uh… I'm his granddaughter from the future!"

"Weasley!" screeched Scorpius, aghast.

"You… came here from…"

"2023!" Rose beamed. The gryffindors looked unimpressed save one, who was freaking out. Scorpius looked like he had been hit by a semi on a freeway.

"Oh no! What should we do!?" whimpered a scrawny kid that resembled a rat.

"Well, Sirius, I don't know!", a boy with glasses and extremely messy hair (it was clearly purposefully messy because nobody looks that bad on accident) replied, his voice laced with sarcasm.

"Potter… that's Peter, you daft git! Sorry people, the author was just trying to make a crappy joke." Lily heaved a sigh filled with exasperation.

"Yeah, I'm not that stupid looking," supplied another boy, presumably Sirius, "And, I'm not stupid enough to believe her."

"Exactly!" Scorpius cut in. "Obliviate!"

All five dropped to the ground, memories wiped and unconscious.

"So… Do you want to play 20 questions?" Rose asked quietly.

"Animal, vegetable, mineral, or other?" asked Scorpius, too done to care.

* * *

"It's a polar bear, isn't it" Scorpius said, sitting uncomfortably on the hard ground. It was starting to hurt his arse and his foot was falling asleep.

"Nope… You have one more guess," Rose spoke from where she was lying down, hands behind her head on the grass. He could have called her pretty, but she was too annoying and caused too many problems. Plus, she had awful hair.

Really, he hated Rose Weasley. She had always tried to talk to him really loudly in front of everyone and she would always pop out of nowhere and bug him about random things like the pumpkin juice at breakfast, documentary films, and american muggle conspiracy theories about UFOs. Every day she was doing something to bother him.

"Then… it's got to be a Grizzly bear."

"Nope. It was a killer whale. Nice try, though."

"Bugger."

And then all of a sudden he felt a tug in his gut and all he could see was black.

* * *

"Blimey, Harry. It's a fat Malfoy and some sort of weird beast!"

"Ron, how could you say that to his face!" scolded another boy, who was excitedly grasping an old-fashioned muggle camera. "He's not even half as heavy as Crabbe and Goyle!"

Scorpius sat up groggily. "Hullo…?" He was pretty sure he was in the corridor near the owlery, but it looked older and un-renovated.

"Hi. I'm Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. These are my best mates, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger!"

"You… look nothing like Harry Potter. You're blonde, holding a camera, and don't have the eyes or glasses. You're scar looks drawn on. Also, you're friends are both male—"

"Collin!" yelled a tall ginger accompanied by two other larger students.

"R-Ron!" gulped Collin.

"Are you cosplaying as Harry again? This has got to stop! Now shoo!" A girl with horribly bushy hair scolded the three boys, who scampered away.

"Sorry about that… Do we know you?" asked a boy who could only be Harry Potter.

"Uh…" Scorpius looked over to where Rose was asleep on the ground, drool hanging out of her mouth. "No. I'm… Usopp… Sogeking," he fibbed.

"Really? Blimey, Usopp, you look like a fat version of Malf—"

"RON!" Hermione (if his assumption was correct) yelled and whacked him with her wand. "You're not fat at all! Don't listen to that dense prat," she smiled encouragingly at Scorpius, and he was weirdly reminded of somebody else.

"Hey Scorpius!" Rose pushed herself up and rubbed at her eyes.

"Scorpius? Wasn't your name Usopp?" Hermione looked puzzled.

"I thought it was SugarKing?" Ron added, looking sincere.

"Uh, Scorpius is my nickname!"

"What? Scorpius Malfoy did you get amnesia?" Rose questioned innocently.

"Rose… Weasley…..!" Scorpius felt like he was either going to attack Rose or faint. Why did she always screw things up?!

"Oh, good. I was worried you had forgotten your own name!" she continued on obliviously.

"I knew he was a Malfoy!" Ron crowed. He then narrowed his eyes. "I hate Malfoys! Get out of here, you prejudiced scum!"

Scorpius began planning all the different ways he could kill Rose in the future.

"And I don't remember you being at any Weasley family reunions! Although there are a shite ton of people there…" Ron gave Rose a once over before frowning and scratching his head.

"I'm your daughter from the future! I recognize you from the pictures! Wow, I never thought I'd ever meet my dad as a kid!" Rose blabbed. "Ah, I remember all those stories mum told me about when she attacked you with birds for making out with Lavender Brown! You must be around that age now!"

"… How do you know about that!" screeched Ron.

"Did you… really…" Hermione paused. "Did we defeat You-Know-Who?" she asked excitedly.

Harry, who had been pretty quiet for a while, spoke up. "We shouldn't be afraid of his name!" He was ignored.

"Yeah, yeah! And then you guys get married!" Rose informed them enthusiastically.

"Spoiler alert!" cried Harry.

"Really?" Hermione blushed happily.

Ron, whose face was about as red as a Weasley's hair, stuttered, "Then how are you even here? And why are you with this… gross… thing?" he gestured to Scorpius, who was having a mental breakdown on the floor.

"Oh. We're friends!" she said cheerfully.

_Friends?_ Scorpius stopped rolling around. They were friends? His eyes started watering. Nobody had ever called him a friend before in his life. It felt really, really nice— even if said person calling him 'friend' was Rose Weasley.

"Hey! No fraternizing with Malfoys!" Ron yelled.

"Don't judge people based on their families!" Hermione retorted immediately.

Rose stared at them. "You had opposite reactions when I told you we were friends 25 years from now," she said quizzically.

_She told her parents we were friends?_ Scorpius felt like this void of friendlessness inside of him was disappearing a little. But not really! Because it was the pain-in-the-arse Rose Weasley who was saying it!

Ron and Hermione exchanged glances, then looked away, embarrassed.

"So tell us about what happens during the war!" Rose opened her mouth to answer Harry…

"Obliviate!" cried Scorpius. The three slumped over like rag dolls. Rose used a cushioning spell to prevent them from cracking their heads on the stone floor.

And then all of a sudden they were jerked off their feet.

* * *

Scorpius woke up in the library. He was slumped against a bookshelf and Rose Weasley was staring directly at his face.

"Wah!" he flailed with surprise and almost knocked over a row of books, which were steadied by Rose.

"That was fun!" She grinned at him, and he thought, _Hey, she has really straight teeth._ He also felt like she was getting closer to him… maybe he was still dizzy.

_Raspberry._ His eyes widened with shock as Rose-bloody-Weasley planted a bloody kiss on his lips. "Huh?" he spluttered.

"By the way, I like you! Let's go to Hogsmeade together this weekend!" and she _winked_ at him before skipping away.

And all of a sudden his whirring brain came to an abrupt halt.

_Raspberry._

_I hate Weasley._

_She's kind of pretty._

_How annoying. She's always around._

_I'd miss her if she wasn't there._

_I'm definitely not going to Hogsmeade with her._

_Should I go work out before the date? What am I going to wear?_

And all of a sudden he realized that his heart was beating fast. _Just a physical reaction. It's fear and disgust._ And then he realized that he might like Rose Weasley. _MIGHT!_

Rose Weasley was just despicable. But he thought he might be able to put up with her for a date or two. Or three. Or ten. Or a million….

He walked off, Captain Roku long forgotten.

* * *

Rose Weasley really wasn't an uncontrollable blabbermouth or a social idiot. But she just couldn't help it around Scorpius Malfoy. He always made her comfortable enough to be herself, and his personality was just so cute! She was going to get him to be her boyfriend for sure, she just knew it. Besides, she now knew that he read _Taichou Roku the Warrior of the Crimson Flame_! Her secret guilty pleasure! Clearly, it was meant to be.

* * *

The END! Of my first time travel fic… hope it wasn't too cliche or stupid :) Also, I'm not an otaku, but I do enjoy manga and I have many otaku friends. Hopefully it was somewhat accurate


End file.
